2004 September » simes dot org

Diva Fever

Posted by Simes at 2:22 pm

Sep 282004

If, like me, you often find yourself confused, then I'm afraid that there is no hope.

If, on the other hand, you merely often find yourself confused about the meaning of the latest R&B/Soul Diva Classic, I have help for you. Almost all of these songs match three templates, which I shall describe below.

They are:

I went out with a wanker
Everyone told me he was a wanker
He turned out to be a wanker
Blimey! I didn't see that coming.

or:

I hate you
Why don't I leave you?
I hate you
Why don't I leave you?
(repeat)

or, finally:

Got no cash?
Then piss off.

More of these handy guides to understanding the confusing world around us will be posted at irregular intervals.

Condimental Meditation

Posted by Simes at 2:55 pm

Sep 272004

Today I would like to discuss condiments. In particular, spicy ones. Specifically, mustard. More specifically, the mustard I had on my sandwich at lunchtime.

Now, I have no objection to spicy food. My devotion to a good Thai green is well-known, I am very fond of chili, and indeed hot food of most stripes.

However. When a condiment's sole contribution to the meal is to totally obliterate all other flavours while simultaneously giving you the impression that your nostrils are aflame, I feel that perhaps it's gone too far. Why bother having anything else in your sandwich at all, if this is the sensation you seek?

Also, mint sauce is not supposed to be sweet. Damn you.

Language

Posted by Simes at 10:29 am

Sep 212004

I am fascinated by language and the many myriad ways it may be used. I myself tend to pleonasm^[1], as you may have noticed, but all facets of language use interest me.

Today my interest finds itself aimed at translation. Not the translation of one language to another, but the translation in meaning from when something is said to when it is acted upon.

In this case, the translation of “we need to keep the old API alongside the new one for a while so we can be sure there will be no problems during the migration” eventually resulted in “the new API contains one of the functions from the old API, only now it has a different name”.

Language, eh? Crazy.

[1] Thank you Mr. Fry.

Soundtrack To My Life

Posted by Simes at 12:08 am

Sep 172004

Here's a little thought exercise – if you were putting together a soundtrack for your movie, what tracks would it contain?

It's not necessarily your top ten favourite tracks of all time, because they might not work well soundtrack-wise. It's just the tracks that fit with the scenes in your head. Man.

Plus it doesn't have to be ten. It could be more. Mine is.

Here's my current one, in no particular order:

Mas – Kinky

Elements – Lemon Jelly

Four Little Diamonds – Electric Light Orchestra

Smartbomb – BT

Carrera Rapida – Apollo Four Forty

Marrakech – Hybrid

I've Been To A Marvellous Party – The Divine Comedy

The Perfect Crime – Apollo Four Forty

Cosmic Dancer (2002 Remix) – Deepsky

Ich Will – Rammstein

Offshore (Original) – Chicane

So what's yours?

Vroom!

Posted by Simes at 12:23 am

Sep 112004

Burnout 3: Takedown kicks ass.

That is all.

Yay!

Posted by Simes at 2:30 pm

Sep 062004

My lovely shiny Powerbook is finally here!

Mmmm, shiny…

Ooooooo…

Posted by Simes at 10:09 pm

Sep 052004

04 Sep 2004    15:04    Northampton Hub    Consignment Received At Transit Point

Aie!

Posted by Simes at 4:14 pm

Sep 022004

Lotus Domino, why must you torment me so?

Today's little foible: a Java agent I wrote to retrieve some data from an Oracle server crashes. Not for any apparent reason, and it's difficult to debug because it takes the whole Domino server down with it. Not for any apparent reason. One might make allowances for the JVM it's running in crashing, perhaps, but the entire server? That's just rubbish.

Aha, though, you are no doubt thinking, surely I can watch the remote console to see if it throws out any messages before spectacularly topping itself?

No. Even though it's a development server, and I'm one of the developers, it's Not Allowed.

So I'll sulk for another 45 minutes or so and then go home.

It Begins…

Posted by Simes at 4:15 pm

Sep 012004

Depart Terminal    LUXEMBOURG, LU, LU    01 Sep 2004 13:34