Inspired by Bill Bailey's bit on Fifty Things To Do etc. (”Lunge wildly at the Pope!”) and a subsequent conversation with Paul about Fifty Dull Things, I thought I'd kick this one off with my five.
Alphabetise your underwear.
Watch the film “A.I.”. Dull, dull, dull.
Individually number your back hairs. Ask a friend to help!
Arrange your CD [...]
Picture it, if you will. Poor old Dave. He's basically a decent bloke, but he has the misfortune of being the one decent bloke in an entire race of arboreal killing machines.
I imagine Dave's day to go something like this:
Dave: Morning!
Other Triffids: HISSSSSSSSSSS!
Dave: *sigh*
(Later)
Dave: Hello there!
People: AIIIEEEE! A TRIFFID! RUN!
Dave: *sigh*
There are estate agents who will try to sell you flats in London. There are also estate agents who will try to sell you “Executive Apartments in the Heart of the City”.
How to tell the difference?
If it's a flat, there will be a picture of the building. If it's an “Executive Apartment”, the picture [...]
Commuting erodes the soul.
Oh, not right away, not so as you'd notice after the first day, or even the first week, but over time. As you deal with the shovers, and the people taking up an extra seat for their bag, and the people who stand right in front of the doors when you're trying [...]
I was reminded the other day of something which happened a couple of years ago, which I was confused and amused by in equal measure. Lest it be once again lost to the erratic whims of my memory, I thought I'd share it with you all.
Phone rings. Simes picks it up.
Simes: Hello?
Caller: Hi, is Richard [...]
I have on my desk a box of Twinings Assam tea bags, upon which is written the phrase “Traditional tasting tea”. It may just be me, but I think they're missing a hyphen there. Either that or the “Traditional drinking tea” was on a different shelf and I missed it.
The subject of my dissertation today is that of a wonderful new entry in the exciting world of entertainment software. In short: a game.
Evil Genius is the name, and it's a World Domination Simulator. It's a pastiche of your old-school spy movies, with yellow-jumpsuited workers operating big control panels in the Control Room and white-coated [...]
Today I wish to pay my respects to a dear, recently departed companion. Ever at my side, ready at a moment's notice to spring to my assistance, asking nothing in return but to have the worst shaken off and be allowed to dry properly.[1]
Rest well, faithful friend, stalwart deflector of wind, rain, sleet, hail and [...]