Changes

Posted by Simes at 12:45 pm
Feb 212005

Today brings something of a new experience – moving from one post to another within more-or-less the same organisation. In about half an hour or so I will be packing up such stuff as I have here in the office in Canary Wharf, and travelling to the office in Bishopsgate, where I will be spending at least the rest of this week and, assuming a contract actually shows up, the next few months.

The commute is roughly the same, and in fact may take slightly less time, as instead of finding a train which stops at Stratford, or changing for one which does, then getting off at Stratford and getting the Jubilee line to Canary Wharf, I will simply get on the train, wait until it reaches Liverpool Street, then get off and walk to the office.

I know this must be terribly fascinating for you all.

Still, new post, new horizons, new things to do, blah blah. The thing I'm most looking forward to is paying off the last credit card.

Yarr!

Posted by Simes at 11:34 am
Feb 182005

Being ill, as the popular vernacular has it, bites the big one. I have spent much of the past week sneezing violently, coughing up chunks of raw unpleasantness, and trying not to fall over every time I stood up.

But now I'm back, baby.

Which unfortunately means I'm back at work. Ho hum.

One of the up sides of being ill – of which there are remarkably few – is that I got a chance to immerse myself in the shiny new world of Azeroth quite a lot. And it is very, very nice. One of the nice things about being able to play during the day is that you get to see what it looks like in daylight – Azeroth's day/night cycle follows ours quite closely, which means I normally don't get to enter the world before dusk.

Anyway, long story short, this game is great. And in it, I have a parrot. Yarr!

WoWzers.

Posted by Simes at 11:42 am
Feb 112005

Fair play to Blizzard on this: they said that WoW would go live today, and sure enough, on the stroke of midnight, the signup server was up.

Of course, it was down again fifteen minutes later when I actually tried to sign up, but the thought was there.

I really hope they've learned from the US experience on the server load problem. I guess the next few weeks will tell…

Snigger of the week

Posted by Simes at 11:33 am
Feb 112005

Slogan of a shoe repair place I passed yesterday evening:

“Because Time Wounds All Heels”

Goddammit.

Posted by Simes at 12:14 pm
Feb 072005

After yet another thrilling episode of “Whoops! Where are your files?” I find myself rather glad that I'll be out of here at the end of the month.

ETA: Of course, within twenty seconds of posting this, the agency calls with another position at the same company. And I tell them to put me forward for it. Ho hum.

Futurology and futuronomy

Posted by Simes at 2:36 pm
Feb 022005

There was a lot of talk a short time ago about astrologers and why it was they were unable to predict the tsunami which had such a drastic impact on the lives of so many people. Many of them, of course, went back and said that, upon re-reading the charts, “the signs were there”. Some observers have theorised that this claim is, quote, “a load of old bollocks”.

I have therefore devised a simple, foolproof test to determine whether or not astrologers really are able to tell the future.

Murder one.

Tell no-one about your plans. If you turn up to your proposed crime scene to find the police waiting for you, then clearly this one really is able to predict the future. As a bonus, you won't actually have done anything wrong yet and will therefore be able to go straight home again.

If, on the other hand, your victim appears surprised to see you, you can carry out the deed with impunity. Firstly, because they're clearly a charlatan who cynically profits from exploiting the fear and superstition of others, and secondly because you'd get to write “He never saw THIS coming!” on the corpse in his own blood.

Extreme? Perhaps. But, you know, my chart said that today I would encourage the murder of charlatans, and who am I to argue with the stars?

Episode III – The Lost Scenes

Posted by Simes at 10:34 am
Feb 012005

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a phone is ringing. The shop assistant answers it.

Assistant: Hello?
Caller: Hi, yeah, this is Anakin Skywalker here, I was wondering if you could help me out with something.
Assistant: Sure. What do you need?
Skywalker: Well, it's like this, OK? I've basically decided to turn to the Dark Side of the Force, right? And believe me, Obi-Wan was none too happy about that, I can tell you. He kicked my ass so hard I had to have it replaced. I have a prosthetic ass. Have you any idea how much that sucks?
Assistant: No, sir, I don't.
Skywalker: I didn't think so. Anyway, I had to have a load of prosthetic work done, as well as the ass, and as I was going with the whole Dark Lord of the Sith thing anyway, I decided to combine my respirator with a cool mask, you know? Make me look really scary. And it does. The only problem there is when I speak. I sound like a whiny teenager, did you know that?
Assistant: That was coming across, sir, yes.
Skywalker: Right. Right. So I'm supposedly this big bad dude, but I sound like a whiny teenager. And the mask doesn't help, because all that does is make me sound like a whiny teenager with a large saucepan on his head. So, long story short, I was wondering if you had anything in the voice modulation area that might make me sound a bit cooler.
Assistant: James Earl Jones?
Skywalker: Kick ass!

[IMPERIAL MARCH PLAYS]

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