There was a lot of talk a short time ago about astrologers and why it was they were unable to predict the tsunami which had such a drastic impact on the lives of so many people. Many of them, of course, went back and said that, upon re-reading the charts, “the signs were there”. Some observers have theorised that this claim is, quote, “a load of old bollocks”.
I have therefore devised a simple, foolproof test to determine whether or not astrologers really are able to tell the future.
Murder one.
Tell no-one about your plans. If you turn up to your proposed crime scene to find the police waiting for you, then clearly this one really is able to predict the future. As a bonus, you won't actually have done anything wrong yet and will therefore be able to go straight home again.
If, on the other hand, your victim appears surprised to see you, you can carry out the deed with impunity. Firstly, because they're clearly a charlatan who cynically profits from exploiting the fear and superstition of others, and secondly because you'd get to write “He never saw THIS coming!” on the corpse in his own blood.
Extreme? Perhaps. But, you know, my chart said that today I would encourage the murder of charlatans, and who am I to argue with the stars?
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