People who stand right in front of the lift doors and then look surprised that there's someone in the lift who wants to get out.

People who say “Are you sure?” when it's massively obvious that I am, as in the following exchange:
Them: Do you speak Dutch?
Me: No.
Them: Are you sure?

See item 1 re: train doors.

My uncanny sense of timing, managing to combine screwing up my bank transfer (meaning no cash in my current account) with screwing up my credit card payments (meaning my credit card, while there is theoretically over a grand available on it, is currently unusable) and taking this combination with me to somewhere where it's impossible to put back what you're trying to pay for (petrol station).

Insomnia.