Impatiently wondering just where it is my lovely package from amazon.co.uk has got to, I log into the DHL parcel tracker web site, look it up, and am greeted with this:

Now, you can probably already guess how many cards I have actually discovered on my doormat from them, but just so we’re clear: NONE.

NOT. A. SINGLE. ONE.

So where the hell are they “leaving” them? Wedged into the doorframe of the building (I have seen this) so that the instant anyone who lives in any of the other three flats uses the door, the card falls out and disappears? Tucked neatly into the flower baskets hanging either side of the door? SATURN?

Useless bastards, the lot of them.