Another in our occasional ongoing series exploring just what the hell songwriters are jabbering on about, and what, if anything, can be done to bring their output a little more in line with reality.
Today: Arthur’s Theme, by Christopher Cross.
We’re going to concentrate on the chorus for this one, as it is here where much of the madness may be found. I will run through it with you line by line.
When you get caught between the moon and New York City
Seems somewhat unlikely, but it’s early days yet. We move on.
I know it’s crazy, but it’s true
Well, I suspect you’re half right, Chris.
If you get caught between the moon and New York City
We seem to be building up to something here. Given the circumstances outlined so far, can it be anything other than unpleasant?
The best that you can do…
Is…
The best that you can do…
Get on with it, man.
Is fall in love.
Now. Here I really have to take issue with him. The whole thing completely comes apart at this point. For one thing, falling in love, even under ideal circumstances, is not exactly easy. In the situation where one is trapped between the surface of the moon and the sidewalks of New York it’s surely next to impossible, even if one were trapped right by a suitable candidate and they were not too busy screaming in agony to pay attention to one’s amorous advances.
Additionally, if the moon is sufficiently close to the surface of the Earth to trap people underneath it, then a disaster of monumental, nay, epic proportion is currently under way and thoughts of anything other than survival should be far to the back of one’s mind. If, however, one is among those trapped, there is surely little one can do but hope that the end comes quickly.
Therefore, I propose that the last few lines of the chorus be replaced with:
If you get caught between the moon and New York City
The best that you can do
Is pray for a swift and relatively painless death
We can probably leave the crazy part the way it is.
Comments 6
We can thank (!) Peter Allen for that chorus, who came up with it when his flight was circling LaGuardia, waiting for clearance to land. Still, it stinks.
Posted 25 Jun 2008 at 7:39 am ¶When I write this stuff I never really expect anyone to read it, much less anyone connected with the subject matter.
Nevertheless, it’s an interesting additional piece to the puzzle. Thanks, Rob.
Posted 25 Jun 2008 at 9:31 am ¶Ha - that’ll learn ya! I have a google alert for myself and for Chris, since we’re currently doing an album together for the first time in ages. So I stumbled upon your post that way. I’ve worked with Chris since we were kids, but I still hold that Arthur’s Theme, arguably his most beloved song, is really lame. Could that be because I had nothing to do with it? Heh heh. Take care.
Posted 25 Jun 2008 at 7:33 pm ¶You know I read this stuff and it’s like someone looked inside my mind and took things out when I wasn’t looking. It’s like reading something I haven’t written yet!!
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 4:40 pm ¶At the same time (and somewhat self aggrandisingly) it’s bloody hilarious!!
MORE BISCUITS!
J.
Heh, this made me laugh. I suppose technically you could be in the space shuttle, with not much else to do than fall in love with a fellow astronaut. Although that wouldn’t necessarily be the best thing that you could do in the circumstances. The best thing would probably be something more practical, like repairing a few heat panels, or making sure the docking equipment was all in working order.
Posted 29 Dec 2008 at 11:05 am ¶There are some circumstances where practicality must take precedence over romance, and being in a space shuttle trapped between the moon and a major metropolis has to be one of them.
Posted 29 Dec 2008 at 9:03 pm ¶Post a Comment